Funny Quotes & Sayings


We all need a good laugh from time to time. Read these quotes and try to keep a straight face! It's impossible!

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - W.C. Fields...Funny
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger ...Funny
And that's the world in a nutshell -- an appropriate receptacle. - Stan Dunn...Funny
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for ex...Funny
A drink a day keeps the shrink away. - Edward Abbey...Funny
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. - Bob Hope...Funny
People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee ...Funny
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure...Funny
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. - Humphrey B...Funny
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. - Einstein...Funny
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils - Louis Hect...Funny
If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all. - Rodney Dangerfi...Funny
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate p...Funny
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you...Funny
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success...Funny

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