Funny Quotes & Sayings


We all need a good laugh from time to time. Read these quotes and try to keep a straight face! It's impossible!

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils - Louis Hect...Funny
And that's the world in a nutshell -- an appropriate receptacle. - Stan Dunn...Funny
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. - W.C. Fields...Funny
If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else! - Yogi ...Funny
If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all. - Rodney Dangerfi...Funny
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. - Einstein...Funny
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger ...Funny
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you...Funny
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate p...Funny
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to...Funny
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure...Funny
People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee ...Funny
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. -...Funny
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. - Bob Hope...Funny
Time is God's way to keep everything from happening at once. - James Brown...Funny

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